How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
