you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
