I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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