Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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