I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
