Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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