i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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