On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
