I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
