Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
