I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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