did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
