i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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