she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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