I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
