Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
