just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
