4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
