Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
