some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
