I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
