I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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