hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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