he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
