I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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