i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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