haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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