Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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