Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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