UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
