Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
