Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
