he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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