we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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