yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
