There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
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Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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