If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
