is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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