my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize