my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your penis caused this!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize