ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
