I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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