so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
