He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You don't make any sense
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