1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
