I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
