I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
