I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
