I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
