Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
