So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
