If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
