No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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