you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
