we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
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His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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