I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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