i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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