they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
