Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
